It's tough for people to stay in therapy.  There are many pressures to stop as soon as the crisis has passed.  People feel, "I shouldn't need this as a crutch."  Maybe other people ask them, "How long are you going to keep going?  Shouldn't you stop now that things are alright?"  Sometimes there is pressure from insurance companies to only do a limited number of visits.  There is still stigma in our society about mental health as a medical condition that requires ongoing management, just like any aspect of our physical health.  

The brain is a physical organ that requires care.  We have to take care of our other organs, our lungs, our hearts, our skin, our digestive system.  Why is there pressure to neglect what is arguably the most critical organ we possess?  It takes a long time for our brains to get wired with particular patterns of feeling and behavior.  Most people don't start therapy until adulthood, and at that point there are literally trillions of neural connections that are driving how we care for ourselves, or don't.  Add to that the default brain wiring of the people in our lives, and you have a complicated structure that takes time to study, explore, undo and redo.  It's hard to let go of some of the ways we are used to thinking and behaving.  Fast change is exciting sometimes, but is also notoriously short-lived.  Slower change over time is more durable.

So if you feel like, "Enough already!  I should be over this!" ask yourself:  What could happen in my life if I gave myself enough time to make changes at a pace that wasn't too scary for me?  What if I kept going to therapy after the worst had passed?  If I keep going when I feel better, could I feel better still?  

If change feels like it is just too hard to make, what would happen if I stuck with treatment?

Sitting in a therapist's chair provides an interesting perspective on relationship conflicts.  When we are knee deep in a difficult relationship, it is hard to see clearly what is going on.  It is easy to become confused about who is responsible for what, about what has been done to who, about how best to react in a conflict.  I watch people struggle with self-doubt as they try to have an expectation that they will be treated well by their partner, or their parent, but find that their daily experience with that person is not one of good treatment.  Depending on what we have been through in life, we may have a really hard time standing up for ourselves.  It becomes easy to accept blame from someone else when in fact, the other person is not being truly accountable for their own behavior.

​The people who come into therapy tend to be people who set a high standard for themselves.  They want to take responsibility for the way the act, for their own foibles, for the goals they have in relationship.  Unfortunately there are people in the world who don't have the same feelings about their own behavior.  They are willing to allow other people to take more responsibility than they should for what happens between two people.  It can be very painful when you love someone who doesn't take their fair share in relationship with you.  At best, you might blame yourself and keep working for improvement and be scratching your head about why your relationship isn't getting better.  At worst, you might accept the blame and feel like you are a bad person.  Or you might become accustomed to bad treatment, you might get used to a life where you are being used or controlled by someone else.  From where I sit, it becomes clear when someone is not willing to engage in a reciprocal relationship.  I try to help people sort out this painful dilemma:  what do you do when being in the relationship causes you great pain but you feel scared to death when you think of changing it?